can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
