pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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