sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
