im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
