i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And the cops told us we were all naked.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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