and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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