I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
