Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
