i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
