Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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