Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
