Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My dick has a subreddit
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
