if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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