I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
