ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
