i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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