I just pynch a tree in the face
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
