I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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