But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
