It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
