If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
