Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
