why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
