your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
