did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you made out with another girl for some wings
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
