Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
