yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
