You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
