Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
