I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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