there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
