saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
