you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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