Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
