That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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