my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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