Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
