you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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