i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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