I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
