you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
