dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
