With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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