u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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