Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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