I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
