You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
