I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
