watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i came on her dog
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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