dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
