my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He did a backflip because drugs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize