he thought i was a dude.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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