Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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