I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Randomize
