he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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