i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
