if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
