I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
