He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
