I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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