Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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