thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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