please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
