Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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