you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
