dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
