I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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