I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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