is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
