I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just shotgunned beers for America
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
