She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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