I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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