Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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