listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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