Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize