Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
