I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
