It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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