good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
