I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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