I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
