the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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