Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
