ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
