I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
