Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You're like the curious george of whores
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
