I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
