dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
