I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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