I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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